"it" just moved
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
