we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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