he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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