just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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