These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
