I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
