OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
