I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
