when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
