They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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