Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
