Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
