I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize