let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am available for nakedness
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
