when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
