youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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