I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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