no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
