I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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