Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
