why didn't you poke me back
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
