It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
