Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize