I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
