FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
