I want to make a zoo with you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
did i walk over a car last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
