found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
