I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
