Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
