Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
