my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
