the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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