Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
