smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
