One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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