If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
