i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
