I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
there is puke in my bra ... again
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