Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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