The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
