And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
