The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
