you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize