a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
