My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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