And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
