What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
