I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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