He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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