Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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