normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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