I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She's like a pop up book from hell.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
