after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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