That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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