your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
