If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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