YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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