Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
