I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
