I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
