No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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