So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
