Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
