no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just had sex bonerless
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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