Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
