Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
