i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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