I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
