please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
