Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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