He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
