How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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