hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
