Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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