No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
